Funeral Pre-Planning, Cremation & Estate Planning: What Every Family Needs to Know

What happens when a family has no funeral plan in place? How do cremation options work? And why are funeral pre-planning conversations one of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones?

In this episode of For Mature Audiences Only, hosts Mary Shapiro and Shannon Johnson from Archer Law Office sit down with Austin Bremner, Community Outreach Liaison for Bradley & Son Funeral Homes and SimpleCremationNJ.com, to discuss funeral pre-planning, cremation trends, Medicaid considerations, grief support, and how families can reduce stress during one of life’s hardest moments.

Austin explains the difference between pre-planning and pre-paying, how funeral planning connects with estate planning and elder law, and why having even one simple conversation can make a major difference for your family later on.

They also explore:

•  Funeral pre-planning vs. pre-paying 
•  Cremation misconceptions and options 
•  Funeral agent designations 
•  Medicaid and funeral planning 
•  Celebration of life services and personalization 
•  Technology and livestream funerals 
•  Grief support and aftercare resources 
•  How families can avoid conflict and confusion after a loss 
•  Why funeral homes are part of the continuum of care 

One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation:

“It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to begin.”

If you’re caring for aging parents, supporting a loved one, planning ahead for yourself, or navigating difficult conversations with family, this episode provides practical guidance and compassionate insight.

Learn more about Bradley & Son Funeral Homes:
https://www.bradleyfuneralhomes.com/

Learn more about Simple Cremation NJ:
https://www.simplecremationnj.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Listen to Compassionate Care Conversations:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxsnTYIsPOI&list=PLLb95bohwV9QLj6fxT9UcQ7CWNP9GYb7W

For Mature Audiences Only is a podcast dedicated to real conversations, honest stories, and practical guidance for families navigating caregiving, aging, and senior living.

If this episode resonated with you, follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who may need support.

Presented by Archer Law Office https://archerelderlaw.com

Music provided by MIBE https://mibemusic.com/

Transcript

Welcome And Meet Austin

Shannon 0:02

Welcome back to For Mature Audiences Only, presented by Archer Law Office, the podcast where we break down complex aging, caregiving, and elder care topics into clear, practical guidance that you can actually use.

Mary 0:14

We're your hosts Mary Shapiro and Shannon Johnson, senior resource specialists at Archer Law Office. And each week we sit down with trusted professionals to help older adults and caregivers navigate real life challenges with less stress and more confidence. If you're caring for an aging parent, supporting a loved one with a serious illness, or planning ahead for yourself, this is an essential conversation. This is for mature audiences only, presented by Archer Law Office. Let's get started.

Shannon 0:49

Austin Bremner is a community outreach liaison with Bradley and Son Funeral Homes and SimpleCremation NJ.com, where he connects families and care professionals with trusted support before, during, and after a loss. With a background in funeral service, celebration work, and family support, Austin focuses on making end-of-life planning more approachable, offering clear guidance on cremation options, planning, and aftercare resources.

Mary 1:15

He's also the host of Compassionate Care Conversations, a podcast spotlighting local experts and resources to help families navigate caregiving, aging, grief, and difficult decisions with confidence and clarity. Welcome to the show, Austin.

Shannon 1:31

Austin, thank you so much for joining us today. We're very excited to have you on our podcast. Excited to learn about all the things that you do in your role. So if you could please uh explain your role and tell us what you do. Sure.

Austin 1:42

Excellent. Sure. Thanks for having me, Mary and Shannon. Excited to be on the podcast. And as you said before, my name is Austin Bremner, and I'm the community outreach liaison for Bradley Funeral Homes and SimplecremationNJ.com. Bradley Funeral Homes is a family, family-owned third generation group of funeral homes, five of them, in Morris and Union Counties. And SimpleCremationNJ.com is our statewide online cremation arrangement service. I also produce a podcast as well. It's called Compassionate Care Conversations. And the host is the owner of Bradley Funeral Home, Scott Bradley. And we meet with folks like yourself for both families and professionals.

Mary 2:23

It's a great resource. I've listened to some episodes.

Austin 2:26

Thank you. Thank you.

Shannon 2:28

So whenever people hear, you know, funeral homes, cremation hunting hours, they get a little bit scared, but there's a lot that's a little bit icky. Yeah, there's a lot more that goes into your guys' role than just, you know, a simple funeral or anything like that. You guys do a lot of pre-planning as well. So can you explain like what funeral pre-planning actually is?

Austin 2:47

Sure, absolutely. It's one of the uh the main uh offerings. Families you will choose uh some sort of a sort of final disposition, be it cremation or burial or green burial or natural organic reduction, uh, as well as uh creep, like I said before, cremation and pre-planning, sort of the third uh service that families will reach out to us. But for sure. Funeral pre-planning is simply putting your wishes in writing before your family is forced to make those decisions during a very emotional time. It can be as basic or detailed as someone wants. And at the simplest level, it answers questions like do I prefer, like I said before, burial cremation, who should be contacted, who's in charge, are there any religious or cultural traditions that matter to me? Are there any special instructions my family should know? And again, it's not about being morbid, it's about giving your family clarity.

Shannon 3:40

Absolutely, absolutely. We kind of find the same thing kind of in our realm with pre-planning and estate planning. People are always nervous to have those conversations, but we both feel like they're necessary ones to have.

Austin 3:50

They go hand in hand.

Shannon 3:51

Absolutely.

Mary 3:52

And again, better to have those conversations when you're not in crisis and nothing has happened yet. And you're able to talk about your wishes with your family and the funeral director or the funeral home, whatever you choose, not under duress. I think that's so important.

Funeral Pre-Planning Made Simple

Shannon 4:10

So, what are some of the main benefits of like planning ahead versus waiting until obviously a crisis or something like that happens?

Austin 4:15

Aaron Powell Excellent, excellent. The biggest uh benefit is reducing stress. You can also save uh save money by planning in advance. You can avoid emotional uh overspending or underspending in some cases. But uh when someone dies and there's and nothing's been discussed, you know, families are grieving and trying to make decisions quickly. Uh they may be wondering what mom would have wanted, what dad would have chosen, who's supposed to pay, or who's even allowed to make decisions. Uh planning ahead turns a very overwhelming moment into something more manageable. It also helps prevent conflict because the family is not guessing. They're simply following your wishes. So there's a lot of clarity in that, as we said before.

Shannon 4:59

What is the point in someone's life where they should start the pre-planning stage?

Austin 5:04

Excellent. Another good one. Honestly, earlier than most people think. It doesn't mean you need to walk into a funeral home at age 45. That means I'm a little late. And plan every detail. But if you're doing a will, power of attorney, health care directive, Medicaid planning, long-term care planning, or moving into a senior living community or facility, funeral wishes should be at least part of that conversation. A good rule of thumb is if you're already organizing your affairs to make life easier for your family, funeral planning belongs in that same folder. So you might as well.

Mary 5:39

That's so true.

Shannon 5:40

Yeah, it is a good point because I remember when I did sales in an assisted living community, part of the the demographics forms that we gave to the families to give back to us was, God forbid your love on passes, who should we reach out to? Is there a funeral home that you guys already have arrangements with? And a lot of times people didn't. And they would often say, We're not we're not ready to talk about those kind of things yet.

Austin 6:02

It's heavy conversation. It can be. But we'll dive, uh we're gonna dive more into that.

Shannon 6:07

Yeah, absolutely. What decisions can be made in advance and what tends to be like left open for families?

Austin 6:14

Excellent. Well, the good thing is you don't have to do it all at once, as you were talking about, and people can make big decisions in advance. Things like burial or cremation, traditional service or something simpler. Uh religious or non-religious elements preferred, um preferred at a funeral home or cemetery information, obituary details, veteran information, you know, what musics or readings, uh, and who should be involved. What often stays open are the personal touches that families may want to add it later, like photos and stories, uh, the reception, uh, speakers, and exact timing. And those generally get filled in after someone passes. And pre-planning does not have to take the family out of it. It gives them a framework so that they're not starting from zero.

Mary 7:06

I think most families would feel you know, st like you said, starting from zero, like where do I even begin? Who do I call if there have been no conversations or someone hasn't pre-planned and let people know what they want? That's why we're having this conversation today.

Shannon 7:26

Absolutely, absolutely. Speaking of the pre-planning stage and stuff, as far as the payment goes, how does like prepaying for a funeral work? And is it something that you all generally recommend?

Austin 7:35

Absolutely. Uh prepaying is a separate step from pre-planning. Pre-planning is putting your wishes in writing. Uh, prepaying is funding those wishes ahead of time. Then depending upon your situation, that may involve a funeral trust, an insurance funded plan, or another approved funding option. You know, whether it whether it is the right choice depends on the person's age, health, finances, Medicaid planning concerns, and family situation. I would never give blanket financial advice, not being a financial planner. Sure.

Mary 8:08

Sure.

Austin 8:08

But I do think it's worth discussing with both a funeral home and elder law professionals like yourselves, and as well as a financial professional involved. And for some families it can be a huge relief. Um for others, simply documenting the wishes is the first right step. Everyone has their own path.

Mary 8:25

I think that's important to point out. Like you said, it's two separate things pre-planning and pre-paying. Two very different steps. You can do one, not the other, or you can do both.

Austin 8:37

Bingo.

Shannon 8:39

Have you seen situations where like pre-planning made a major difference for a family in their process?

Austin 8:44

Yes, yes, absolutely. Um, the families who usually have some kind of plan in place are just able to breathe a little bit more, and that's really important. They still grieve, of course, but they're not carrying the extra burden of guessing, which is difficult. Even something simple like knowing cremation was preferred, uh, knowing who should be the decision maker, or knowing what parent wanted the modest service instead of something elaborate, uh, can make a huge difference. It gives the family permission to act with confidence.

Shannon 9:16

I think again, we can relate to that in the aspect of a lot of our families come to us in crisis mode and our things kind of aren't in order, and we kind of have to help them get them in order. So there's a lot of chaos that can be happening in that time frame from them coming in, realizing there's an issue, to then us finally getting them to be where they're even killed. So pre-planning, we always recommend to everyone to pre-plan as much as possible and update things as things change in your own life.

Mary 9:43

And have those conversations. I mean, it's one thing to write things out on a plan, but then make sure you're talking to your loved ones about it.

Austin 9:52

Yeah, absolutely. Or your local elder law attorney. Right. Yeah, absolutely. Your professional kind of where it starts. I think it's interesting that uh I think most of our clients, you know, our elder law and funeral homes, they come to us in crisis. And I think we wish more of them, is one big takeaway from this. I know we're not even near the end, but I guess one big takeaway is I wish they came to see us sooner. Absolutely.

Mary 10:12

We always say to be the theme.

Benefits, Timing, And Family Clarity

Shannon 10:15

Yeah, you should have came to us six months ago or whatever the case may be. So speaking of how we can all work together, how can how does funeral planning tie into like broader estate planning?

Austin 10:26

As we were just talking about, uh to me, funeral planning is one of the missing pieces in a lot of estate planning conversations. And people will talk about wills, powers of attorney, trusts, Medicaid, assets, and healthcare decisions, but then funeral wishes get left out. And it's understandable, it's not the easiest one to talk about. The problem is that the funeral happens immediately after death, often before the state is settled.

Shannon 10:49

Right.

Austin 10:50

And so families need guidance right away. And when funeral wishes are a part of the broader plan, everything's more organized and just less stressful, as we know.

Mary 10:58

Sure. And what happens if someone hasn't communicated their wishes clearly in their estate plan?

Austin 11:06

That's where we all come in. That's where we earn our uh, so to speak. I always tell people to speak with an elder law attorney for the legal side. But for the pu funeral planning side, the helpful pieces are a will, power of attorney, health care directive, funeral agent designation if appropriate, cemetery deed, or plot information that are in discharge papers if someone served, insurance information, pre-arrangement documents if they exist, and a simple written list of wishes. Also tell your family where those documents are. A perfectly organized plan doesn't help if we can't find it.

Shannon 11:44

Absolutely.

Mary 11:45

That is true. And there is there a specific document families can use to pre-plan.

Austin 11:52

Excellent. Um, I don't know that there's a document. There's tons of checklists that we have and other uh providers will offer. Um, but really it starts with a conversation, taking notes, some of the big decisions, kind of like we talked about. Uh, and then once you meet with your funeral home and funeral director, you can go over and narrow down the choices as you go.

Mary 12:11

Great.

Shannon 12:12

Are funeral expenses typically covered like through an estate insurance or some sort of separate planning?

Austin 12:17

It varies. Some families use funds from the estate, some use life insurance, some have a prepaid funeral plan, and some may pay directly at the time of need. Uh the important thing is to understand that funeral expenses often come up immediately before an estate is fully settled, as we know that takes time. And that is why families should talk ahead of time about how things would be handled. And if Medicaid planning isn't involved, or if the family is concerned about affordability, that conversation is even more important.

Mary 12:47

Have you seen changes in what families want from funeral services over time?

Austin 12:53

Yes. Um, families still want dignity and support, so that never changes. Uh but they are looking, uh they're often looking for more flexibility. Some want to still want a traditional service, some want it all to happen one day, which has been a growing trend. Some just want a simple cremation, some want a celebration of life, a smaller gathering, a religious service, maybe just a graveside service or something very personal or informal. And I think the biggest change is that families want the service to feel like the person, not just a template.

Mary 13:24

That's a great point. That is a good way to put it. As someone who's attended, sadly, funerals over the past several years, I've seen that trend in the ones I've attended where a lot is happening in one day, celebration of life, small religious services, like all the things that you've said seems to be what I've witnessed personally attending.

Shannon 13:47

Speaking of the trends, I have something that I just thought about. Are people planning? Was is there ever a point in time, let's say, like the generation prior to us, like the people that were came up in like the older generation? I'm talking about there was there ever like a more pre-planning than there is now? Because I feel like it's not as much pre-planning happening now as maybe there was with the older generation.

Austin 14:07

Very good question. I'm gonna think about that for just a minute.

Mary 14:11

And let's define older generation.

Shannon 14:14

I'm trying to, I'm, I'm I'm trying to think of like I'm trying to figure out the right way to phrase my question. The I feel like back in the days, right, people had those long-term care policies from like the 80s. Like that group, I feel like pre-planned a lot more than let's say the generation now pre-planned. That's kind of where I'm getting at with that.

Austin 14:33

Sure. I feel like the way technology is, uh going through a pandemic, the way they all we all did, and we're all forced to think about our own mortality, and and that kind of brings on the topic of pre-planning. So uh while I don't have any data right in front of me, uh anecdotally, I would say that pre-planning has uh has been on the rise and people are starting earlier. There's just so much more awareness and education, whether it be you heard it on a podcast or you know, you went through the experience yourself and you were unprepared. Right. And and that's something I do want to note. Families who have even gone through a loss and didn't pre-plan are more likely to want to pre-plan the next time around. Gotcha. They'll uh attend a lot of our pre-planning events for funerals and cremation. And so uh that's something we definitely see. So I think that's the best way I could uh answer.

Shannon 15:23

So kind of when someone kind of goes through the crisis now, they realize, oh, instead of me having to, or my family have to deal with this when my time comes, let me get ahead of this and pre-plan for it now. Yes. Oh, go ahead. I'm sorry, Mary.

Mary 15:34

No, I'm sorry. I was just gonna say, especially if you've been on the other end of it being nothing planned. Like we were in a position in my family where a relative had passed away, who had never married no children, and all of the surviving cousins had to step in, and we were all discussing what would be good. Everybody was remembering different pieces of conversation, and it was challenging to make sure we honored her the way we all thought she would want to be honored.

Austin 16:07

Yes, getting a consensus after someone passed is not easy.

Prepaying, Paperwork, And True Costs

Mary 16:10

No.

Austin 16:10

Um and hopefully the funeral home your family or whomever was working with will slow you down.

Mary 16:15

Yes.

Austin 16:16

Uh that's really important. That's one way we can uh help families compensate if they didn't plan in advance.

Mary 16:21

They were a great resource, honestly.

Austin 16:23

Excellent. Glad you were well taken care of.

Mary 16:24

Yes.

Shannon 16:25

How has the rise in cremation changed the work funeral homes do?

Austin 16:29

Cremation has definitely stayed steadily on the rise. A couple of years ago was the first time, uh statistically in our nation that there were uh more cremations than burials.

Shannon 16:40

Wow.

Austin 16:40

Yeah, so uh I guess it got the 51% mark not long ago. So uh so that's sort of an overarching trend uh throughout the country. Um but more specifically to answer your question, cremation has changed the conversation because sometimes people think cremation means nothing happens. But cremation is just a form of disposition and not the whole memorial experience or funeral itself. Families can still have a visitation, a funeral, a memorial service, a religious component, a celebrant-led service, a burial of cremated remains, maybe a scattering, uh, keepsakes may be involved and distributed amongst the family, or just a very private goodbye. So part of our role is education, helping families understand that cremation can be simple, uh, but it can still also be meaningful.

Mary 17:30

I do think I don't want to call it stigma, but I think education around cremation has been more and more prevalent over these past several years. I know in the past, when I was younger, I thought cremation meant you had nothing until you become educated, until you realize that that's like what you just described it as.

Austin 17:53

Two things from a consumer or just someone in the business, it gives families, if they choose cremation, it gives them flexibility. You know, families are spread out more. Uh we have busy lives, and so it allows for time to uh coordinate those services and kind of like uh, I don't want to use the word, a celebration of life, uh maybe like a wedding or another uh type of event where it gives families time to travel. And then practically speaking, you don't have uh a body lying in wait. Uh it's possible, uh, but you don't have that factor. And uh yeah, it just makes uh and also there's cost control uh in addition to the flexibility, flexibility, cremations are generally less expensive.

Shannon 18:34

Out of curiosity, when COVID was happening and the COVID was big, did you see like a rise in cremations during that time?

Austin 18:40

Huge, huge spike. Yeah, huge spike. And the other trend that sort of pushed in that direction, which was already starting just before that, where they're all a one-day service is where we'll have a uh whether it be a wake uh chance for families to and friends to see and say goodbye before the service and then off to the place of final disposition, whether it was a wake or a memorial service with creator remains.

Shannon 19:03

Are more people these days opt in for non-traditional or personalized services? And what does that look like in practice?

Austin 19:09

Yeah, yeah. That's where we put the fun and funeral. Uh yes, personalization can be big or small. It can include their favorite music, hobbies, photos, a memory table, even a theme display, a special reading, a food item connected to a person, a celebrant telling their life story, or a gathering in a place that feels right to the family. And we always remind families that meaningful doesn't have to mean expensive or elaborate. Sometimes the most meaningful detail is one small thing that makes everyone say that was so them. And if I can just share a short uh personal story. Sure. Sure. 2009, my brother had passed away rather abruptly. And so for his services, uh, we decorated the whole funeral home. We had all his uh fishing, racing memorabilia. Uh, he was into smoking in the bandit blacks transams and had several throughout his life. We got a cheap metal black casket with chrome handles, and we got some custom decals made so it just looked like smoking in the bandits uh transam. So it was pretty uh pretty cool way to save goodbye to my brother Colin.

Shannon 20:14

It's a nice home going service for him for sure. Technology, you touched on it a little bit earlier. Has technology like live streaming and online memorials changed how you guys operate?

Austin 20:23

Yes, it definitely has, uh particularly during COVID. We went from no live streaming services in any of our funeral homes to literally overnight outfitting all five of our funeral homes. Uh so we're equipped to do that uh on demand. And more recently, while the trend has waned somewhat, uh it is still a regular part of what families look for. So as I said before, families are very can be very spread out, so it's an easy way for uh those who cannot attend for whatever the reason is for them to still participate and be visible.

Mary 20:52

Yeah, my mom had used that service when her brother passed out in Kansas City. She's in New Jersey, was unable to travel. So she and her sisters gathered at the house and watched the online memorial. So she was happy she was still able to participate in a way, even though they couldn't get out there in time.

Austin 21:14

Yeah, yeah. And it really uh technology has a way of, you know, I know it can isolate some of us uh by not being in the same room, but in those instances is actually actually expand the circle of support for a family. And that's uh and that's always a good thing.

Shannon 21:27

Aaron Powell Right. And I'm sure, you know, with some religions, you know, the person has to be buried within 24 or 48 hours. So I'm sure that online aspect also helps for the families that can't necessarily get there in as quick of that time. Yes, yes. How does understanding the work you do help people make better pre-planning decisions?

Austin 21:44

Another good one. Uh when people understand what happens after a death, they usually realize why planning matters. Uh, there are emotional decisions, legal decisions, logistical decisions, financial decisions, and family dynamics, all happening. At once. Pre-planning is not about controlling every single detail. It's about removing as many questions marks as possible. So your family can focus more on grieving and less on figuring everything out.

Mary 22:11

Are there things people assume are included in funeral arrangements or services that actually aren't, or vice versa?

Austin 22:19

Yes, yes. There are uh tons of assumptions on both ends that we often hear. I'm sure. So let me uh let me try to clarify a little bit and answer that question for you, Mary. Uh yes, that is why transparency is so important. People may not realize that cemetery costs, clergy, or celebrant honorariums, newspaper obituary fees, flowers, uh, death certificates, permits, or cash advance items can be separate from the funeral home charges. And on the other hand, some people are surprised by how much coordination the funeral home does behind the scenes. And my advice is uh always ask for a clear explanation and a written estimate. A reputable funeral home should be willing to walk you through it in plain English. And there's something called the statement of funeral goods and service. It's an itemized list of all charges broken into a couple uh five categories, and uh that is something you would get upon sitting with a funeral director and making your selection so that you'd have a an official sort of um uh estimate, written estimate of what your uh funeral could look like as far as costs.

Shannon 23:26

How can people better prepare their families for the realities of what happens after death?

Austin 23:33

It's uh the answer is easy, but it's not easy. Sure, I can imagine. And I guess I would say um start by having one honest conversation. You don't have to cover everything at once. Tell your family what you prefer, you know, who you trust to make decisions,

Cremation, Personalization, And Technology

Austin 23:50

uh, where your paperwork is, and whether cost or simplicity matters to you. Also write it down. And families don't need perme uh perfection, they just need direction.

Mary 24:02

That's a great quote. I love that.

Austin 24:03

Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah, that is a great quote. Families don't need perfection, they need direction.

Shannon 24:09

Yeah, absolutely, for sure. And quick story with my grandfather right before he passed, he made it very clear that he didn't want he wanted to it to be as simple as possible. He's like, I only want this to be like half an hour, 45 minutes max. And I only want you guys, when it comes to your speaking part, a minute max. I don't I I want you guys to get it, get it in and get it out. You know, he didn't want anything over the top, and when you provide that clarity to your family, I think it makes the whole thing easier because we knew what grandpa wanted. He didn't want anything big and over the top, like some other people in your family might want.

Austin 24:40

Yes, yes. Uh that's where the discussions, and that's why pre-planning is so important. Right. Right. Starting with what in uh in your grandfather's case wanted.

Shannon 24:49

When you combine the emotional, logistical, and planning sides of what you do, what do you wish people appreciated more about what funeral homes actually do?

Austin 24:57

I guess I'd say I wish people understood that a good funeral home is not just a place you call after someone dies. It can be a resource uh before, during, and after a loss. And the service, there's the service itself, but there's also education, coordination, paperwork, care for the family, support after the funeral, and connections to other resources. At best, funeral service is part of the continuum of care.

Mary 25:23

And what does a community outreach liaison at a funeral home actually do? So what do you actually do, Austin?

Austin 25:32

I love the question. Thank you. Uh you know, I will say I've been doing in this particular role. I've been with Bradley Funeral Homes for a very long time, uh, but I've only been in this role for the last 10 years, and we felt like we can interact with the communities that we serve, not just the families, but also uh community partners like a great Alt-Law attorney like Archer Law, for example. And while I have seen a few other funeral professions in my travels in the last ten year, I can probably count them on one hand.

Mary 25:58

Right.

Austin 25:59

So we're very fortunate and set up the way that we are, and that's a credit to uh Mr. Bradley's vision and positioning us as a part of the continuum of care. But uh to really answer your question, my role is to build relationships before families are in crisis. I meet with hospice teams, social workers, elder law attorneys, senior living communities, care managers, community organizations, and families. A big part of my work is education, helping people understand options, resources available, and planning steps before they get overwhelmed. I also try to make the funeral home feel less intimidating and more approachable. We want to be part of the community, not just a place people call on their worst day.

Shannon 26:41

That's a great way to put it. What kind of like education are you doing in these facilities and stuff?

Austin 26:46

Sure. So uh uh education-wise, uh we've not only uh work with families uh pre-planning events, whether virtual or in person, on the community partner side or professionals like elder law attorneys will do uh or hospice organizations will do in services to talk about how to help their families prepare for what's next. Great. So there's two parts, uh two sides to the education that we offer.

Mary 27:10

That's such an important link, too, if you're getting in front of hospice social workers and helping them so they can help their patients and families.

Shannon 27:19

Yeah, Mary and I do the same thing. It's all about just providing that resource for families, let them know that, you know, there doesn't have to be a massive crisis. You know, there are things out there and resources to help families get through these tough times.

Austin 27:30

Yes, absolutely. I was mentioning that to Mary early on, how you're I love your your title of senior resource specialist. It really speaks to that educational component of what we do because it will never stop as an endless amount. Right. Right.

Shannon 27:42

That's truly what we are. I'm sure you can relate. People call us from different avenues and senior living all the time about what to do, who to call, how do I approach this, how do I go about it. So it helps to be able to know kind of what everybody does so that when someone needs that help, we can just be able to plug that person with who they need to be.

Mary 27:58

Right, point them in the right direction.

Shannon 27:59

What do adult children often misunderstand about funeral or cremation planning?

Mary 28:03

Oh, I was gonna jump on that question. Yeah.

Austin 28:06

Excellent one. This is a very this could be an interesting one at times, because you're dealing, you know, with two uh two generations while you're trying to plan for someone's funeral. And so I guess I would say a lot of children assume there will be time to figure it out later. Uh, but after a death, decisions come quickly. Another misunderstanding is that cremation, as we talked about before, means no service or no goodbye, but that's not always the case. And families do have options. Um, the most important thing is not whether the choice is traditional or simple. The important thing is whether the choice fits the person, the family, and their circumstances.

Mary 28:42

Now there's people listening may think this is a heavy topic, but what is one simple first step for someone who may feel overwhelmed by this topic?

Austin 28:53

Write three things down. What you prefer, who should be in charge, and where the important documents are. That's a very manageable starting point, and you can always add the details later.

Shannon 29:05

Absolutely. That's great. How does SimpleCremationNJ.com fit into the options families may need?

Austin 29:12

Excellent, excellent. Um, yeah, SimpleCremationNJ.com is our statewide uh online cremation arrangement service. It was created for families who want a simple, dignified, lower cost cremation option without having to come into a funeral home for every step. For some families, especially hospice families or families who already know they want direct cremation, that convenience and transparency can be a real relief for them.

Mary 29:37

What should families know about lower cost cremation options without sacrificing dignity?

Austin 29:43

Yeah, that's another important one. Those uh that's a common uh assumption that can be made there.

Mary 29:49

And so uh so I'm glad so kind of ties into what we talked about earlier.

Austin 29:53

Yes, the misconceptions. That's right. Simply to simply said, lower cost should not mean lower care. Families should ask what is included, who's providing the service, where their loved one is being cared for, how communication works, and what additional charges may apply. The subcremation could be handled with dignity, professionalism, and compassion, and should be.

Shannon 30:15

What is a funeral agent and why might that matter?

Austin 30:18

So glad you asked. We wish more people knew about funeral agents. It's a very powerful tool.

Shannon 30:23

Because I've also never heard of one myself.

Austin 30:25

Yeah, yeah. So uh I'm glad to appreciate you asking. Uh uh, it's a very powerful legal tool, but it's also a very simple legal document. Uh, it can come in handy in a lot of different ways. Um, we've seen families who are kind of spread out or don't really have anyone, they'll designate uh a friend nearby to make their funeral decisions for them. And other times there may be family conflict, and the person may reach outside, um, reach outside their family and designate someone to be their funeral agent, their person who would sign the cremation authorizations, things of that nature. As far as the legal side, I would always defer to an elder law attorney for the for the legal details, but uh broadly speaking, a funeral agent designation can help identify who has authority to make funeral decisions. And that can be very important where families are blended, estranged, unmarried, or likely to disagree. And the goal is clarity. And when the right person is legally empowered and the wishes are documented, the family has a much smoother path.

Mary 31:24

I'm sure. And what resources do families often need after the funeral is over? I don't think people realize that there's resources after the funeral.

Austin 31:34

Yes, yeah, we have a whole uh after care program. Uh we stay with families uh for more than a year after services. Wow. We have a whole section of our website dedicated

Authority, Aftercare, Medicaid, Next Steps

Austin 31:45

to post-funeral support where you can find the funeral agent form amongst many other uh support resources. But after the funeral, the support needs not to disappear. Families may need grief support, help understanding next steps, estate-related guidance, perhaps a recommendation for a local elder law attorney, uh, caregiver support, or simply reassurance that they are what they're feeling is normal. That is why after care and post-funeral resources matter. They may be one day, excuse me, the funeral may be one day, but grief and adjustment continue. And as I mentioned before, that's why we have post-funeral support resources, bereavement support, uh, and community resources available for our families on demand.

Shannon 32:27

Yeah, I don't think grief ever stops for any of us. Yeah, it just you just learn how to cope with it in different ways because my grandfather passed in 2012. I'm still I still deal with that on a daily basis. You know what I mean? So it's definitely it definitely never gets any easier. You know, just learn how to cope with it in different ways.

Mary 32:45

And it's good to know there's those support mechanisms out there grief support, bereavement support.

Austin 32:51

We're uh we're we're not going it alone, but it's hard to reach out for help when uh something so close to the heart. Um but families who do, and as you know, um anyone who's experienced loss when you do reach out for help uh can really be a tremendous relief and very healing.

Shannon 33:05

And Mary and I try and push our clients to support groups no matter where they are on the, you know, in their journey. In their journey, correct. Whether it be for dementia-related services or after a loved one passes. Those support groups I think really, really can help out a lot because it does help you feel like you're not alone in whatever you're going through. How can professionals make better referrals to yourself?

Austin 33:26

Excellent. Uh I think we may all have a similar answer, but I'll I'll give you, I'll go ahead and give mine. Uh the best referrals are warm and practical. Uh instead of saying call a funeral home, a professional could say, here is someone who can answer your questions when you're before you're in a crisis. It also helps to know the family's priorities, simplicity, costs, religious traditions, veterans' benefits, any Medicaid concerns. Uh if it's um if they want cremation or burial, or they want to start with pre-planning, the more context we have, the more helpful we can all be.

Mary 34:00

And what would you say to someone who is afraid that talking about all of this funeral planning that may upset their family?

Austin 34:08

Oh, that's almost impossible. All right. Mary, we hear that a lot.

Mary 34:14

I'm sure.

Austin 34:15

I'm sure we hear it a lot. That's one of the for better or for worse, it just is what it is, and that uh it keeps families from even having those simple first conversations. Right. But like I said, we hear that a lot, and we do understand that fear. You know, talking about your own mortality and planning for the end is not easy no matter what state you're in or what you know part of the journey you're in. But we try to reframe it. Uh the conversation may feel uncomfortable for 10, 15 minutes, uh, but not having the conversation could leave your family uncomfortable, confused, and stressed for days or weeks or maybe longer. It's really an act of love. Some call it the greatest gift. And you're not giving them a burden, you're actually taking one away. Absolutely.

Mary 34:56

Absolutely. I know with my own family, we had a discussion over a barbecue. And we had my father, you know, my parents talk about what they may or may not want in a more lighthearted atmosphere. Nobody was in crisis. But then fast forward several years, and we were in crisis with my dad, we were able to refer to that conversation and say, remember, dad said this, dad wanted this. And by then he had sat down and pre-planned everything. So a barbecue conversation that may be a little uncomfortable can lead to clarity down the road.

Austin 35:35

Yeah, yeah. The big payoff when, you know, families who take care of the pre-planning, you know, it's not something you we talked about this when I first got here, Mary, and that, you know, it's not a gift that you're a feeling you'll get until you've done the work.

Shannon 35:48

Right.

Austin 35:49

And uh so yeah, it's a great, great story, and thank you for sharing.

Shannon 35:53

Sure. What's the connection between funeral planning and Medicaid planning?

Austin 35:57

When Medicaid planning is a part of the picture, funeral planning be can become easily important, especially important because families are trying to understand what is allowed, uh, what is protected, how to plan responsibly. Uh, those are all things you hear from Medicaid spend downs, I'm sure. Right, absolutely. And I was oh I would always tell families to work with an elder law attorney to that point on the Medicaid rules. And from our side, you know, we can help them understand funeral and cremation options, costs associated, and what questions to ask.

Mary 36:27

What do you hope listeners do after hearing this episode, ideally?

Austin 36:32

I think we all know the answer to that question.

Mary 36:34

But God and say it anyway.

Austin 36:36

Yeah, absolutely. Of course, of course. Um I hope they do one practical thing and start the conversation, write down wishes, ask an elder law attorney about decision-making documents, gather your important paperwork, or call a funeral home just to understand options. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to begin.

Mary 36:57

Again, I love that quote. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to begin. And we always end our guests with asking, what's their why? Why did you do it? Why do you do what you do?

Austin 37:11

Excellent. Uh appreciate the question. Where do I begin? Why? But I'll get right to it. Um, you know, it's it's uh it makes me think a lot. I literally grew up at Bradley Funeral Homes. Uh, been with the organization since 1995, minus about five years. So I've literally grown up there.

Shannon 37:28

Wow.

Austin 37:28

Um, and so uh little did I know, you know, as I worked for uh Bradley Funeral Homes, I had experienced a lot of uh personal losses, not just my brother, friends, my age. And so it was kind of an unusual amount. And I learned that all the things that we were teaching our families to do, uh, warm the room, you know, uh plan ahead, things like that became so much more important. So I had to start walking the talk, so to speak, from walking the walk. And that was a tremendous uh help to my family. And having lived through that and gone through those experiences, it's um makes it a lot easier to whether I'm talking to professionals in this setting or families and urging them to plan ahead for their own sake. Um, it's kind of easy to do and very rewarding to do.

Shannon 38:09

Absolutely. Austin, thank you so much.

Mary 38:11

Thank you for sharing and thank you for sharing your education because I think the listeners can really benefit even by doing just one thing after hearing all of this information.

Austin 38:21

Thank you, Mary, and Shannon. It has been uh an honor to be on the podcast. It really has. Uh I hope families get uh some good uh information

Where To Learn More And Closing

Austin 38:30

from it and really appreciated uh the opportunity to sit with you.

Mary 38:33

So on your podcast, I just want to circle real quick Compassionate Care Conversations. People can get more information by listening to that, correct? It's on YouTube.

Austin 38:45

Yes, absolutely. It's uh Compassionate Care Conversations. Uh it's on YouTube, it's on our website, hosted by Scott Bradley, who is a uh my boss, but a third generation uh funeral director, social worker, psychoanalyst, and he sits down with folks uh from the community, elder law attorneys, uh hospice folks, social workers, grief experts, funeral service professionals to um get good information for families and professionals and really shine some light on those people who've done a great job. But uh yeah, you can find it on YouTube and find it on our website, and uh I get the joy of uh producing that podcast. So great.

Mary 39:21

There's a lot of great information on it.

Austin 39:23

So thanks, Mary.

Shannon 39:24

Awesome, thank you so much. Thanks, Shannon. We appreciate it. Thank you for your time today. Likewise.

Mary 39:28

Thanks, Austin.

Shannon 39:30

If you found this episode helpful, please be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone that it could benefit.

Mary 39:36

Just remember, you don't have to navigate aging or caregiving alone.

Shannon 39:41

If today's conversation raised questions about elder law, long-term care, or planning ahead, please visit jerseyelderlaw.com or call 609-842-9200 to find resources and support.

Mary 39:55

This is for mature audiences only, presented by Archer Law Office. Until next time, keep pushing forward and keep the conversation going.